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Current Music:Love me 112 and Mase
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Time:11:14 pm
Current Mood:productiveproductive
Im goin up to albany tonight for a party....of course wander will be there, o boy,
i'll keep ya'll post and hopefully i'll post pictures if someone can teach me how to put the link in my post...elsie, victoria? holla at a bitch!
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Current Music:O Town All or Nothing
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Time:06:33 pm
Current Mood:tiredtired
its official, i've been a girlfriend for one entire week.hehe.

is it wrong that i still think about wander every now and then?

i kno this is short, but i have a shitload of work to do
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Current Music:John Legend, Ordinary People
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Time:11:11 pm
Current Mood:mellowmellow
well im back in bingo..and i really miss austin, last saturday before that stupid snowstorm came i slept over his house and it was the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My uh-oh place was out of service due to technical difficulties but i still had mad fun, and in the morning i woke up dumb early and he thought i was still sleeping but he was playing with my hair and singing Mario, Let me Love you, tell me thats such a movie scene, o guys, he's awesome....
so all of my classes seem fucking hot so far, i got this gay Latino guy for my intro to race, gender, and sexualtiy course and he's fucking hot cuz he curses almost as much as i do and he's so funny, im takin some pretty tough courses, a lot of upper level courses but its all good, here's wat im doin
Eng 227 Brit Lit
Eng 310 Intro to Literary Theory
Eng 380 Writing in Exile and Migration
Africana Studies 283f Intro to Race, Gender, and Sexuality

Im sooo excited for this semester, at least when it comes to classes :)

So Friday is my birthday, and no imnot going to get disgustingly drunk, in fact im not expecting it to be the nigh tof my life, last year my birthday sucked ass, and it almost made me not want to celebrate my bday, but one my suitemates has the same bday as me and katie had her bday the 21st so its kinda like a 3 way celberation, so hopefully its fun, but like i said before, no high expectations from me..none at all
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Current Music:talking to austin :)
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Time:07:40 pm
Current Mood:happyhappy
Love by ruby mae
Your name
Your partner
You two areInseperable
Your meeting was byChance
They are yourProtector
You are theirSoulmate
Your love willBe your strength
Quiz created with MemeGen!
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Subject:damn, im real
Time:02:22 pm
Current Mood:highhigh
He is fresh and green, buds of truth that still have yet to surface
A surface that is thick and impenetrable, that serves its purpose but doesn’t show his purpose
Only that is beyond the surface
His mind, his spirit, is a beautifully gnarled forest with roots bending this way and that, that way and this, and this is where wisdom and justice seem to exist, tightly bounded within a winding branch, beneath age old tree stumps, growing alongside green moss
The only way to appreciate it,
Is to feel it, not see it,
To reveal it, not be it.
With trembling hands I take you and place you on thin paper
I roll you tightly with my tiny fingers, a place where the scent of you always lingers
I apologize profusely for confining you,
But the quarantine,
Is just a meager means
To get to bigger things
I promise soon you’ll be free
Don’t you see that I’m a feign?
That as I raise you to my lips
I only wish to inhale all that you embody
Because anybody can just touch your body
But your burning embers makes you a member of my being, makes me remember that you are my self-healing
And when I have you in me, time because eternity and dreams become reality
Captivity within this state of being is where my freedom rings
My heart races because I know that right now I can be anything
I can feel cute and pretty, I can be clever and witty, I can fall down and scrap my knees and still rule the city, I can do all that and more as long as you’re in me.
And you can call me a feign, for surely you are my narcotic
That makes all those things that are asymptotic
Suddenly appear in my back pocket
I can’t breathe when your potency gets the best of me
I close my eyes and smile because I know this is the place to be,
This is what it feels like to be happy
Exhaling is now a must and I don’t mean to thrust you out of me
But I’m coughing now, because I’ve kept you in me longer than I should have allowed
As I prepare to leave the room,
I look back at the smoke hanging in the air, all I can do is stare
Stare and wish I could always be there
Because kissing you is like kissing the sky
And I’m more than just high
I go to a place where I am free
Where I feel the happiness of serenity
A place where I’m not scared to be wrong or right
Or to lose the fight
When in me, you help me to think clearly,
And truly, you dare me, to be me.
You are more to me than I let you see
And when you’re around
I never want to be drug-free.
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Current Music:the tv downstairs blasting the bootleg of Coach Carter
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Subject:and ya'll thought i wasn't comin back
Time:01:46 pm
Current Mood:contentcontent
Heyy guyssss, I kno i haven't written in five years, but being how its only like 3 or 4 people reading this thing(probably less), im assuming you haven't missed me much..i always mean to update but then i think of how much ih ave to update you guys on and im just like ughh, fuck it, so now i finally am going to try and update in as few words possible so it doesn't get boring, here we go...

School:
the semester ended like a month ago, but woo fuckin hooo to that! it was so great to be back home and catch up with friends, to eat real food, and to actually sleep..last semester was good, but im really looking foward to doing better in all aspects, my GPA is like a 3.0 right now, something im not use to snce i graduated bard with a 3.7, but now im going to be taking class more towards my major and more interesting classes (can't wait for my Africana studies class to begin!!!) plussss, next semester im definitely not partying as much, drinking that much, and im goin to really try not to smoke at all, i had my semester of going crazy in all three of those categories, but if im looking to graduate next yaer and to get into a good graduate school (hopefully Columbia baby) then i need to step my game up..im also looking at howard for grad school, thanx to a certain friend of mine that i'll get to you later ;)

Friends:
for a lot of the break i've been chillin w. my girl lee havin a good old time, and my girl tracy, we actually went to a party this friday, and although that can be an entire entry by itself, i'll jsut say really quickly that night was the closest i've come to see a gun being pointed towards me by a drunk man, so i just wanna once again thank the Lord for really blessing me and everyone who was in that room for not falling victim to his stupidity...im probably not going to work bronx house cuz i found a much better job that i'm looking to get into, and i'll actually be teaching students of color (yes!) in california, how fuckin hot is that, plus some stuff went down at bronx house and i dont' wanna get into that, but i'll just say that i almost lost one of my closest friends, and i learned that i just have to watch wat i say, no matter who im saying it to

Wander:
haha, its makes me upset that he gets the privilege of his own category, but fuck it, i'm not going to put him under friends or under love, because quite frankly neither is applicable to him at this point.. he came over on xmas eve, during the day so wish me merry christmas, he stayed for less than 5 minutes, drank a little coquito with my mom and aunt and cousin, that was the last time i saw him and the first time i had seen him since thanksgiving, the following i called him to see if maybe we could hang out, we agreed that thursday was a good day, i said he could come over, thursday came and he never called, and he we haven't spoken since the conversation about him coming over...i was deeply hurt as a friend because i knew that that following monday he was leavinbg for albany fo rhte rest of the vacation, he didn't call me on new years, and im tired of his shit, at this point, he doesn't even deserve my friendship cuz he certainly hasn't shown me that im even a friend to him, pero girls, im over it, which brings me to ...

LOVE:
i was gonna put down austin, but then i figured well he is under love, but then again they seem to be synonomous words at this point, hehehe (and yes, that was the giggle of a school girl whose skirt flew up)in case u guys dont remember or in case i didn't tell you, i took him to my prom last year, he helped me get over wander, he's wonderful, he's awesome he adores me and treats me so great, this vacation we reallly reconnected and became so close all over again, we didn't really speak during the semester and i mean i guess its because i was dealing with wander and i really should have been talking to him, but everything happens for a reason, but guys, i really have such a genuine love and care for him, last night i took him out to a play at the Nuyorican Cafe and i cooked him a dinner (rice and beans, chicken, and tostones, yummmm)he makes my heart smile, but next sunday i leave for bingo and i know he is worried about us drifting apart again, and honestly guys i dont' kno wat to say, im going to try and stay in touch, but its ike when im up there so much is going on, and i mean its not like im messin with a nigga up there, to me they alll grimey (except for my nigga Eduardo, but i mean, thats my brother right there aint nothin happenin, o and victoria its a small fuckin world cuz chris is eduardos older brother) but i mean i guess im also scared of jsut entering another commited relationship cuz i kno something liket hat with austin is long term, i was cuddling with him last night and tellin his future story and it was corny but i was in it and we were married and it was so niceeee, sighhh, o austin, i wrote a poem for him and it was soooooo nicee, imma post it, but guys im happpy and i guess i'll leave on it that, im happy :)
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Time:04:45 pm
HEYYYYYYY EVERYBODYYYYYYY!!!! I know its been like 5 years 2 months and 10 days since my last post but what can i say, bingo leaves me with no time to actual show some love to my LJ..i try to keep up with and comment on others but as for my own, i have been neglecting it..

SCHOOL:
well after much inner conflict and much crying and stressful nights i have decided to drop pre=med, i never really wanted to become a docotr (i have recently realized) but rather i have been caught up in this dream that seemed to impress people and therefore i thought it was the right way to go..my major now is english with a concentration in creative writing and global culture and i am very very happy about it :) i will graduate next year, go to columbia to get my masters by the time im 22, then i will get my ph.d in english and teach college level english and write on the side..how bout them apples :)

BOYS:
i say boys as if there is more than one, when its just wander, i miss him like crazy, im not sure if i necessarly want to get back with him, but i do kno that i miss him dearly, bueno, overthanksgiving break i told him how i felt all the shit about missing him yadda yadda yadda, and he was basically like that he finally got things in order with his frat and his schoolwork and he knows this sounds selfish, but to add a 3rd thing into it (3rd thing being me) it would be jsut aht,3rd..he doen'st kno how to balance it..fair enough, and then we got real close and we had the best makeout session in the world because it was like we were rediscovering our bodies, like damn this back, i use to be here rubbing it, this neck, these arms, this breast, this chest, this everyithng, this use to be my playground..it was awesome

I come home for break dec 16 or 17 and i am sooooo excited just becuase hopefully i'll get my license and i can finally push my whip around instead of saving change for the bus, and all of my friends from colleg will be home, cheese smiles, maybe wander and i can start something up, maybe not, either way im really happy the way friday went down, i got all of my feelings off of my chest (includeing telling him that i was hte only one fighting for our relationship, how he didnt fight and how he let soemthing so good, so solid, so precious, inevitably slip and die)...over the break i really want to try and TA for my old english professor, not TA but just be his little helper you kno, bueno, let me go, i have bio to do, blahhhhh, later my peoples MUAHS!
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Current Music:the sound of EJ's filter
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Time:04:51 pm
Current Mood:tiredtired
its almost five in the morning and im not studying anymore bio..im not done but i just need sleep..fungi, bacteria, archae, oh my..o yes, the wizard of oz gone terribly wrong....
blah, im so tired and i keep asking myself why am i writing when i want to be in my bed sleeping
uhhh, i think i'll post thursday i have shit to say and i wanna say it right, so here is the agenda:
1. went to DC to see Jason on thursday
2. Wander and i are talking but bickering
3. i think imma stick w/ premed
4. even tho jason took care of a few things, im still backed up as fuckkkkk

blahhh
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Current Music:bon jovi, wanted dead or alive (courtesy of my roomate)
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Time:07:33 pm
Current Mood:indescribableindescribable
heyy, its parents weekend :) so my momma and my fathers is up, yes fathersss because i have a stepfather...its nice that they are here, feels nice to show them around campus and stuff and just talk to them..they are such cool people...
plus hanging w/ them doesn't let me think about last night..o boy guys, o boy, why is it that i always get so fucked for a phiota party, i didn't even make it to the party yesterday, i threw up in ana's house, then stacy's, in the car on the way back to the dorms, and then in bahtroom at my dorm..it was horrible, thank goodness katie was there to take care of me, i was hugging the toilet and i kept saying sorry that she missed the party to be with me and i just started sobbbing, i mean sobbing, heaving tears everywhere, i was straight wailing and in my mind i was like this is what im doing becuase of wander...whenever is frat throws a party its almost like a subconscious thing, it's horrible...ah buenoo i seriously just need to get over him, its getting pathetic now, it really is
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Current Music:india arie, ready for love
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Time:07:31 pm
Current Mood:crappycrappy
yeaaaa, so feeling like shit, that not a new or novel idea...missing wander, failed my bio test, so im really considering not doin pre-med, i've never been good at the sciences, maybe im just not cut out for it, so wat the fuck am i dong wiht my life, i have no idea what is gonna become of me...im in college yea, that don't mean shit, my major is premed but honestly am i even that good of a writer, i write poems but so wat, wat am i gonna write...im sorry guys, but i fyou haven't notices, im very insecure, got that whole low-selfesteem bit goin on, fuck it, i hate complaining about life...
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[icon] mediocremelody
View:Recent Entries.
View:Archive.
View:Friends.
View:Profile.
View:Website (My Website).
You're looking at the latest 10 entries.
Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 10 entries